Journey to Be in a Relationship

Like most girls, I spent my childhood imagining that I’d meet a wonderful man and live happily ever after. The search was the hard part, according to cultural lore. One day, about 6 years into my marriage, and much to my surprise, I found myself crying as I walked down the street. Why? I had 2 […]

The Art of Acceptance

Standing before many mirrors over the past thirty years, I’ve seen patterns of thought, feeling, and behavior in myself that produced outcomes I’d prefer never experiencing again. At one time, I wore these patterns like a well-worn pair of jeans that defined me. On the other hand, they also constrained the limits of my comfort zone, […]

Re-imagining Our Sacred Relationships

Rugged individualism has served America well in some respects.  It’s created many of the world’s most successful entrepreneurs and decades of economic growth. But has individualism gone too far? The collective mentality often goes into binary thinking:  it’s either this or that. Thinking of our options as black or white choices reduces our ability to discern the subtlety of […]

Mother Earth’s Love Language

We often speak of the golden rule: treat others as we wish to be treated. But have you heard of the platinum rule: treat others as they wish to be treated? Both are hard, the second is harder. Understanding what others want can be challenging because we tend to conflate our own needs and wishes with that […]

Hidden Abundance

Did you know that only 40% of your happiness is genetic? That means that 60% is within your control. That 60% is determined by your habits and perspective, both of which are choices. For example, according to Martin Seligman, the author of the theory of learned helplessness as the root of depression, pessimism is a habitual perspective […]

Thanksgiving And Lovegiving To Earth

“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”  ― Mark Twain Twain’s wisdom resonates because it strikes such a chord of […]

The Treasures of Our Yin (Shadow) Side

In religion and spirituality, we often talk about light and love as being good and desirable.  The dark is ignored or discussed as undesirable, often equated to evil.  Is the distinction really so black and white? My background as daughter of Chinese immigrants means that I view darkness from the perspective as providing balance to the light, […]

Relationship Power Differentials: Reciprocity and Fairness

Good relationships are central to our wellbeing but can be so hard to create.  Few of us are taught how to create healthy and rewarding relationships.  A lucky few have had good role models.  The rest of us have had to learn by trial and error; in our cases, more by error than trial.  But these are learnable skills!  As […]

Night Vision: Exploring Our Shadow Side

“Ogres are like onions…Ogres have layers. Onions have layers.” – Shrek  Disagreements, the kind where we’re digging our heels in for the long haul, often to have an element of disbelief where we wonder how the other person can think that.  But I know that if we dig down deeply enough, even the most illogical opinions, […]

Jason, with the Audible Bark

A month ago, my co-worker, Bridgette and I were driving home from the field late after catching and attaching satellite tags to alligators at the Okefenokee Swamp Park. As you may have read in the blog, The Silent Bark, we were discussing how people and events happen in our lives at just the right moment. Within […]