One of the main challenges when confronting unconscious shadow aspects of ourselves is in the innate state of these contents. They are largely unknown to us until they break through into our conscious awareness. Unfortunately, many times this breakthrough can feel more like a breakdown. It can seem like we are acting in a way that is contrary to who we believe ourselves to be and/or it can cloud our vision when we are interacting with others.
So, how do we begin the process of bringing these shadows into the light when we may not even be aware they are lying in wait? Not to mention the daunting task of then befriending these shadows? Well, with patience, guidance, and awareness. In lesson 2 of Befriending Your Shadow, there are 4 important places of self-awareness that can help one identity and, in turn, manage shadow triggers and red flags. These triggers and red flags are present when the contents of our unconscious make themselves known to us, even in small ways.
The more aware we are of the signs and how they affect us, the more readily we can identify the challenges that may follow and begin to craft a response that is proactive rather than merely reactive. In the lesson “Shadow Red Flags and Tools,” you will find examples to guide you in your own identification of the unconscious beliefs you hold and plan new strategies to consistently recognize and manage your triggers in these areas.
This begins, again, with awareness. As such, it is important to notice when you are feeling triggered to fight, flight, or freeze, when the situation at hand would not call for this extreme response. This feeling can be in the body and/or in thought patterns that emerge in certain situations. In these moments, we can feel like our life is being threatened, even when there has been no such attack. In reality, it is our ego that feels threatened, our view of ourselves and our place in the world. However, the ego is not all of us. When a wider vision is offered ego can feel threatened by the unconscious content coming forward from within or from others.
By looking back and listing when we have experienced this type of extreme response in what, to others, seems a mundane interaction, we can begin to see patterns that point us to a new view of the path ahead. The ego is happiest when very little is changing, it finds comfort in keeping things the way they are. However, we all need to grow and change and to expand our view and learn more about ourselves and the world around us. Even though these moments can seem hard to look back on and confront, they offer us gifts. They show us a path forward, towards a more resilient self.
Enroll today in “Befriending Your Shadow” to read through the “4 Shadow Red Flags”: Triggers, Projection, Defense Mechanisms, and Self-Limiting Beliefs. Try your hand at the many tools offered throughout the course as you gain a more complete understanding of who you are and how you interact with others and the world around you.
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Sarah D. Norton, PhD is the Convener for Education and Depth Psychology at the Foundation for Family and Community Healing.